


the beginning.

by shirabubu



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: 30 Days of Writing, Angst, Break Up, Character Study, Constructive Criticism Welcome, Drabble, Gen, I honestly don't know what to tag this as, I'm just doing this challenge for something to break up my novel schedule, M/M, Tags May Change
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-03
Updated: 2016-01-03
Packaged: 2018-05-11 09:15:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5621734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shirabubu/pseuds/shirabubu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oikawa Tooru reflects on his first time being separated for an extended period of time from Iwaizumi Hajime, and on his place in the national team.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the beginning.

**Author's Note:**

> First work in my 30 Day Drabble Challenge. I chose to start off with the prompt: "beginning". This is by no means an edited or polished work, just something to help kickstart my writing for the day! Even so, as the tags say, comments and criticism are appreciated and will be taken into account as the challenge progresses. 
> 
> And lastly, this is my first work I've ever published on AO3. Please bear with me while I get used to formatting and such!! Thanks :)

If someone had asked Oikawa what he imagined life without Iwaizumi would be like, it would have been a simple thing to answer that life would be much easier and void of bloody noses prompted by the short-tempered man’s headbutts. He would joke about how he’d have more time to spend with his supposed fans, less bruises that painted his fair skin. Oikawa had never really entertained the thought of life without Iwaizumi, because he never had cause to. Ever since they were young children, Iwaizumi had been a constant in his life just like the bright and burning sun that left him somewhat dazed but full of warmth during the summer months, or like the air that filled his lungs with each and every breath. Oikawa didn’t consider life without Iwaizumi to be possible, because they had never been apart. 

Now living in Tokyo, attending university, playing as part of the national team, life without Iwaizumi was something he had to get used to. Freshman year at college was the beginning of Oikawa’s perpetual state of loneliness, despite the copious amounts of teammates and other freshmen surrounding him at all times. Phone calls and video messages weren’t enough to fill the empty space always beside him, regardless of how frequent they were. Every day he feared that someone would catch on, would see through that taped together smile he so often wore: the one that guarded his vulnerable side. The parts of him that felt inferior to geniuses and other monsters recruited to the team. The parts of him that worried about being replaced or kicked off the team. The parts of him that wondered what he would do if his grades slipped just a small bit with the added workload, on top of playing professionally. It was a side of himself that Oikawa kept boarded up and hidden away, beneath that sole rickety smile and an arsenal of distractions thanks to his charismatic and clever ways. 

When alone, Oikawa would laugh bitterly at himself. He would stare into the mirror and giggle at his own foolishness, his eyes wandering down to the phone at his side where the screen was open to Iwaizumi’s last email, right before he went to class. He was always eagerly awaiting replies, even if they came in the middle of something important. Oikawa would grin at how silly he was being, knowing that Iwaizumi was the only one who had seen his weak side. Iwaizumi was the only one who knew how to look past the fake smile and see what was truly going on in Oikawa’s mind -- at least, some of the time. When Oikawa wanted him to figure it out. He had nothing to worry about. There wasn’t a single person on campus that would be able to figure him out.

The beginning of university brought about a strict schedule, tough courses, and a distinct feeling of loneliness. If anything had changed about him, not a single one of his teammates had noticed or cared to comment. Oikawa decided within his second week at the school to not reflect on the fact that Iwaizumi would be able to tell something was off about him, and rather just devote himself entirely to the sport he loved. 

So he ignored the pangs of lonesomeness that filled him each waking hour. He ignored the way his smile felt much too wide for his face whenever he faked it. He ignored the thoughts that someone might see right through him. Oikawa ignored the insecurity that plagued him suddenly, without his strong knight at his side. He ignored the way it felt when his heart leapt at each chime from his phone, thinking it might be his best friend. He ignored how his heart ached upon hearing Iwaizumi was settling in nicely, ignored how his friend’s roommate liked to pop up on screen with smiles flowing naturally and a mutual laughter shared between them. Instead he smiled, he lied, and he built a new and improved wall around his already fragile confidence.

If Iwaizumi was doing fine, then what gave him the right to spoil that?

Life without Iwaizumi was a new start. Whether he would become someone better because of it, or be worse off in the end, Oikawa didn’t know. But he knew it was selfish and childish to expect he would forever be framed with the presence of his best friend. No matter how painful it was, he continued to tell himself that it was for the better, even if he didn’t fully believe it.

It was time to grow up a little, and start being serious.

**Author's Note:**

> Comment & leave Kudos if you enjoyed! Thank you <3


End file.
